Vitamin Guy
...microwave oven, a Forty-six inch Sony big screen television set, and finally, a $2000 cashier's check made out to you. Oh wow. Now, Mike. Knowing that one of those five awards is definitely yours, I'd like to say congratualations again. How does all that sound for a lot of great news today? That sounds fantastic, sir. Alright. Fantastic. Now, like any other promotion, there are only two things we would like to see you do for us while you're in the process of claiming your award. One is after you receive the award, take a picture of yourself with it. Send that back to us so we can use it for promotional purposes. Ok. Now, in approximately sixty days, the company will be calling you back with shipping instructions on one of those five fabulous awards. Oh, wow. Now second, like any other promotion we ask that you become a first time customer of ours by trying one of health and energy products. What we're using is a tested and proven vitamin and mineral program called Universal Life. Now Mike, do you currently take vitamins? Yes. Okay. Fantastic. Mike, these are the finest vitamins on the American market today. Of course, that is my opinion. I do take them, as well as my wife and children. Okay, that's five tablets a day. They supply most of your daily requirements from A to zinc. Now, these are non-allergenic and they are derived from all-natural products. Ok. It also has what's called the special sustained time release formula. Now, that ensures the maximum benefit throughout the day. Now, we have these boxed up in a twelve month supply. Through the promotion, Mike, you're receiving that vitamin program for exactly $698. In the same package is going to be your major award certificate. That officially guarantees one of the five major awards. Now Mike, have you ever won a major award? Yeah. OK, fantastic. I won the lottery here. Really? Yeah. Fabulous. Well, Mike, your good fortune is continuing. And I'll tell you what, if you get that Cadillac Coupe Deville, you better send me a bottle of champagne. Okay. OK. Now, will there be a problem getting a picture of you or a loved one with the award, correct? Uh... There is something standing in my way. OK... Uh... What would be the best time of day for us to deliver? Umm... Could you talk to the Parochial Nimrod? What's that? Huh? What are you talking about, Mike? Well that's the thing that's standing in my way. What's standing in your way? Parochial Nimrod. What's that? I'm... I'm... I'm afraid I don't know how to handle it. You don't know how to handle what? The Parochial Nimrod. sound of a slide whistle or recorder begins in the background Mike, I... What... What are you talking about? What... What... How to handle this from here on. You don't know how to handle what? Your-- out by the high pitched background murmur of a recorder/slide whistle/unknown instrument. Yeah. What do you mean? Well... the... Nimbostratus glick-- '''whistle sound. OK... Mike, what I need is the expiration date on the Visa. '''Uh... Glickit sound. Pardon me Mike? Um... Zackit? sound What is the expiration date on your Visa? Um.... Uhh... Ten Ninety-Two. Ten of Ninety-Two? OK, now what I need... There's some... What's going on over there? I keep hearing... Seems like you're fading out or something. It's that Nimrod. sound Your nimrod? Yeah. '''sound OK. What I need is the long number that begins with a four. Read that to me slowly--- ''Garbled noises.' ''sound I need the long number that begins with a four, Mike. 'Garbled noises. 'sound '''Hello?' Yeah... OK, what I need is the long number that begins with a four. Garbled noises. ''sound Mike! What is going on over there?! '''It's the Parochial Ramrod. The Parochial Ramrod? What are you... What are you doing? Well I'm trying to tell you, sir, that that's going to pose a problem. That's the only problem is your parochial rimrod? Yeah. Are you taking medication, Mike? Mmmm. sound Uhhh... Am I st-... Am I still eligible to be a recipient of these fine awards? Yes. What I need is the long number that begins with a four. ''Garbled noises. ''sound Long number that begins with a four-- ''Garbled noises. ''sound Long number that begins with a four. sound Long-- What I need is the long number that begins with a four, Mike. '''''Garbled noises. sound Hello? Hello? Mike... Mike, where is your parochial rimroad? Where is that? Umm... I've... I think I might've told you the wrong thing. It's umm... I think it's a rhinocerous dickrod. sound A Rhinocerous dickrod. sound Mike, did you take your medication today? sound Mike, what I need, go grab your Visa-- sound Read us the long number that begins with a four. sound Hey, Mike. Pause Hello? Hello. Mike... Yeah? Okay. Grab your Visa. Do you understand what's going on? sound Yeah. Okay. Go grab your Visa. sound I've got it. Okay, read me the long number that begins with a four. Uhh.... Two-eight-seven-four-eight-three-six-''' sound -four.' sound Look, Mike. Hello. Mike? '''Yes.' Mike, my name is Frank Mathis, the promotional director. If you are not interested in taking part in this promotion, simply tell us you're not interested. This is a long distance call that we are paying for..... Oh, I'm very interested, sir. Either you're interested or you're not interested. If ya are interested, what we are gonna need to finish up the paperwork would be the account number beginning with a four on the Visa. D'ya have that information handy? Yes I do, sir. Ok. What we're gonna need is the long number that begins with a four-- sound sound continues OK. Alright, do you have that there? Yeah. Ok, Mike. You have some sort of noise interference. I can't tell you what it is. No I don't. You don't what? I don't have it. You don't have what? I don't have any interference. Ok. You got the number begins with a four? Yes. Alright. Read that to me slowly. Ok. pause Alright. Ok. You betcha. Alright now... Now read the number that begins with a four. You bet. Not a problem. Read the number, Mike. I can accommodate you there, sir. Ok. Well, Mike. Again, if you're not interested, simply say you're not interested. I'm very interested, sir. I'd have to be crazy to turn down these wonderful prizes. Well again, Mike. Again... uh... We do not appreciate the ridicule. If you're not interested, just forget the sarcasm. All you got to do is simply say "I'm not interested." If ya are interested, than this is what we're gonna need. Well uh... Do I have to provide a gridicular butt-rod? If the bill was going on your number, then again I think you would be a little more serious with me. I need a gridicular giraffe rod. Mike, do you have any idea what's going on here? Do you have any idea what we're explaining to ya? Ummm.... You mentioned something about a Gary Coleman nimrod. Mike. Mike. sound Mike, are you under any kind of medication? Huh? Have you taken any medication today? If you're under some form of medication, I can't get back in touch with ya. Can? I can't. Ok, I'm not gonna, you know... I don't want ya going into a seizure or anything if you need to take any medication right now. Umm.... If you call back. Sometime when you're a little more sedated. Well I'm perfectly fine. Ok. Well, again, then uh... then again we go over this round and round. All I'm gonna need if you're interested is the number that begins with the four. Okay. Now read me the number. This is the last time I'm going to ask ya, Mike. If you're not interested, tell me you're not interested. If you're interested right now, read me the number beginning with the four. Okay... Um... It's in... It's in my saxophone and I have to dig it out. Mike. Again, I mean, you can joke all you like. Alright? Okay? What? You can joke all you wanna joke. Again, that's completely up to you. It's not my award. If you don't wanna it, we will simply give it to someone else in your area. Well my... It's... The card's in my saxophone. Uh huh. Mike, do you have any clue how ridiculous you sound. I don't think that's very nice. Well, again, Mike. I mean, either, two second ago you have the card there, now you don't have the card. I dropped it. Oh, alright Mike. I'm gonna be honest with ya. If you had any clue to what your talking about or any idea what we're doing here for ya here today, I know you would've participated. Well I'm trying to be a participant. No, no, Mike. You're not trying. If you are interested, simply read the number beginning with the four. This is the way we bill the account for the amount of the charge. I dropped it in my xylophone. Oh, alright. Well, Mike, I suggest you do is get yourself some medical help. Okay? What's the problem? Okay, well again, I don't appre-- sound the sarcasm. If you're not interested simply tell us-- sound I don't think that's very friendly. Mike you're... I'm telling ya Mike, you're hysterical. And you know, I'd love to sit here and waste my valuable time on ya, but unfortunately I have a board meeting to go to. I do want you to know that you are turning the award down. No I'm not. Well, Mike. Again, unless you're going to cooperate with me here and give me the information I need in order to fill out the paperwork, I am going to have to let you go. How about if I perform uh... tae-kwon-do on you? Well, again, Mike. If that's what you feel you'd like to do, feel free. Okay? If you could perform your tae-kwon-do over the phone, again, I'd really love to see that. Pause Alright? '*Shut the fuck up Chico man.* '(Sampled from the movie Wild Style) Category:Calls to LPC Category:Scam artists Category:Giraffe